Parenting is hard, like, really hard. I am by no means an expert. I still have little littles and I want to be clear I have not mastered nor will I ever master this gig. I am forever learning and growing in my parenting.
However, I do want to share with you something that has been a God send to me over the past year. It’s called The Consequence Jar. Its nothing fancy and I’m sure you’ve heard of them before and seen them scattered throughout Pinterest. It’s a mason jar (or any kind of jar) with strips of paper inside. On each strip of paper is a consequence. For my family, my kids are old enough (5 and 7) we made those consequences together. It allowed them to have a say in the consequences they were receiving and gave them some ownership towards it. Also I wanted them to know what to expect. Things seem to go better when my kids know what to expect!
Amongst the consequences, we included two Mercy Passes. I want to define mercy quick – Mr. Webster tells me that Mercy is compassion or forgiveness that is shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish – give a consequence.
Now, back to the jar, let me tell you why I love it. My kids know what’s in there, if we’re out in public and one is just being a pill (I can say that right?! Safe place!) I don’t have to think on the fly for a consequence. I can calmly and cooly (because I always am super calm and cool right?! safe place!!) remind the kiddo that if she chooses to continue this particular behavior she will have to pull a consequence when we get home. It relieves me from having to always be coming up with, doling out and debating consequences. They’re set and there waiting for all of us. It’s such a relief for me!
It’s been amazing to me to watch as the kids contemplate the decision to move forward with a behavior that may earn them a pull from the consequence jar. They know what to expect if they continue and they know they’ll be relieved of that consequence if they stop. More often than not, they stop. They know what’s in the jar, they don’t want to pull a consequence. But sometimes they do have to pull one, and it’s not fun. Insert The Mercy Pass. If the kiddo pulls the The Mercy Pass – they are absolved all consequences that were earned for that behavior. We get to put the jar back on the shelf, hug it out and everyone walks away unscathed.
Disciplining your children is hard, but necessary. Teaching biblical truth in discipling is extremely challenging. The Mercy Pass has given our family an opportunity to talk about not only behaviors (good or bad) and the consequences those behaviors can earn us. It also allows us an opportunity to talk about God’s mercy. God’s mercy towards us as well as others. We can see what it looks like and feels like. Experiencing it in a very real and tangible way. It’s been heart changing for them, as well as me.
My goal with The Mercy Pass is to get to their heart, yes I want their behavior to change too, but rules and consequences only deal with behavior. I want them to want to change, and The Mercy Pass helps to internalize a change in obedience. It is not because of rules I’ve set in place – but because of the gift of true undeserved Mercy.
Here are a few examples of what’s in our family’s jar, remember my kids made up most of these!
- Go to bed 10 minutes early
- Lose one media stick (more on these later)
- Give your sister a hug and tell her you love her (believe me, sometimes this is really hard for them!!)
- Wipe down all the toilet flushers
- Time out in your room for 5 minutes
- Draw a picture OR write a story about a better choice you could have made
- Clean up the play room
- Wipe down all the light switches
- Write 10 lines of how you could have made a better choice
- Wipe down all the door knobs
- Write an apology letter
I hope you find this as helpful as our family has. Let me know if your family decides to implement The Consequence Jar / The Mercy Pass, I would love to hear how it works in your home.
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. Proverbs 29:17
Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:36
XO,
Monica
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