When worry becomes more than concern, when it becomes hindering to your child’s life and yours, they may have anxiety. Now, to be clear and up front – I AM NOT A THERAPIST. I am a theologian, very different. However, my daughter has grappled through anxiety and these tips are from her therapist whom we saw together and she now see’s on her own. Here are tips on how to help a child with anxiety.
Schedule A Time To Worry
This might sound strange but it has been one of the most helpful tips we have gotten and put into practice in helping a child with anxiety. We schedule out what we call “worry time”. This is a time where we sit together, set a timer and she talks. She talks about what’s worrying her, what’s been running in her mind and I do respond occasionally, but mostly I listen. Whatever is on her heart, she talks about.
Kids with anxiety can talk in circles. They can also repeat their worries, a lot. As a parent this can be a frusterating experience because you may think you’ve already resolved the issue. But to the child, they’re still thinking about it and ruminating on the idea and the worry. When we have worry time it gets the idea out, hindering it from ruminating in her mind but above that – it gives us both an opportunity to deflect.
Let me explain. When a worry comes to the surface we deflect that thought to “worry time” in a sense we’re putting off the worry. This trains the brain to compartmentalize a bit but often times the worry actually gets forgotten. With anxiety, this is the goal because again, resolution isn’t necessarily what resolves the action of worry. The goal is to diminish the action of worry itself. This practice helps to do that.
As the parent, I can’t even begin to tell you how helpful this practice is. Before implementing “worry time” worry could surface at any time. Of course it was mostly when my patience was thin, like right before beditime or just as we were leaving the house (probably running late). Having the ability to affirm my child and her concern yet deflect to discussing the topic at “worry time” is huge. We both have freedom to table that until the designated time, freeing up our current moment to conquer or enjoy the task at hand. This practice has been freedom for us both in helping my child with anxiety.
What to Do When You Worry Too Much
Our therapist recommended this workbook and it has been wonderful! With so many available it’s a challenge to know what actually works and what actually is going to produce good fruit. This is the one. Speaking from experience, it’s the one. My child and I actually laugh when we read it together because it is spot on in describing anxiety.
Here’s a sneak peak and one of the things that made us giggle.
We do only one section per “worry time” so there’s time to absorb what’s read and hold onto that information in a deeper way. Giving opportunity to really put what is learned in these pages into thought and into practice. This book has been a God send to us both, I could not recommend it more.
Prayer
We believe in the power of prayer. Through the combination of prayer in addition to these tools from our therapist, we are not slaves to anxiety. We pray for the chains of anxiety and anxiousness in our hearts to be broken, for Truths of God’s sovereignty to reign and for freedom. Because, you can do all the steps and read the books but it is through the hope in Christ we can truly be set free. In Christ, we are free and He alone has absolutely set us free from worry, doubt and shame.
THERE IS NO ROOM FOR SHAME IN THE CHURCH.
This is absolutely a zero tolerance policy. When my child said she needed to talk to someone other than me, I said ok – let’s figure this out – together. I called around and found a therapist that specialized in how to help a child with anxiety. God blessed to me direction and put people in our path to help us. There is no shame in her going to therapy. None.
A Special Note To Parents
THERE IS NO SHAME IN THERAPY. THERE IS NO SHAME IN YOUR CHILD GOING TO THERAPY. Therapy has been a God send to us. My child needed more than we could give and we thank God for the humility to understand & accept our limitations as a parents. She needed more tools in order to be fruitful in life. Frankly, I needed more tools as well. Parenting does not come with a handbook and part of parenting is advocating for the needs of your child. If you need more tools on how to help your child with anxiety, therapy is a wonderful option.
It’s mental health awareness month and I pray deeply, that if you need tools – reach out to someone. I am not a therapist, I am a theologian. If you need help contextualizing scripture, I am your GIRL. Theologians are not therapists. I beg you – reach out and get help. Therapy has been a gift and a blessing to our family, I pray this helps you if you or your child is struggling with anxiety.
Final notes : I need anyone reading this to know that I share this all with my daughters permission. We both sincerely want this to be helpful information to anyone reading.
FOR MORE FROM MONICA
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